Saturday, July 17

A Toast to Mediocrity

I am seeing a pattern. It's one that I've learned and have been living off and on for a long time. I see most of the people I call family doing it. And here is a cup of ice cold water on this warm July eve, in a toast, to stopping it.
It's like guilt. It begins like a small seed, in theory it's harmless...because, well, it doesn't touch us, not me at least. But it grows malignant and keeps us from seeing inside of ourselves. Worse, it keeps us from doing anything that is insecure, anything that is imaginative or exploratory or experimental in the name of preserving greatness, or worse, preserving ourselves for greatness; whenever it decides to show up and ring the bell. We will never find what might be worth dragging out of our insides. We see even less of what is out in that great blue/grey something that is Life.
To be a little less ambiguous, I'm talking about the reason I haven't been blogging. Other than the template designer that I just can't get figured out and the fact that I am constantly following around what seems like a heard of wild elephants to make sure they don't trample each other or fall down the stairs or get bitten by a dog. OK, so really the only things my kids keep me from is answering the phone and having any personal private time with my big hunk of a hot latin lover husband. But, the template, that keeps me from actually writing. Oh, and I can't figure out how to post photos. I am slightly technologically defunct, but I will be resurrected, hear ye me. I am not going to give any more excuses to myself for not blogging. I want to. Isn't that enough? But...what if I write something and it isn't really brilliant and what if I make a joke that somebody most people don't really get. And what if I spend a whole evening writing, baking, sewing, loving something that is, here it comes, here's the big dirty word, are you ready?...Mediocre. What if? Well, I guess I'll just have to find out, and a little more often. I have a list written on my calandar of 5 truly inspired things that I just feel aching to share with the world. So let's everybody get a big glass of ice water, though you'll never have one as perfect as mine, because I have the little popcorn ice, like you get in the hospital... But hey, you get your glass of water, and I'll get mine and we'll have a toast; a toast to writing, singing, gardening, painting things that are simply and beautifully, mediocre. And afterward we'll pull out our journals and tell each other all of the things we once dreamed up but never did and never told anyone because we got too old to do them or think we ruined our chances or any other stupid reason we have for not doing, not dreaming up another thing and not sharing it because we were afraid that one day we might just not do that thing or we do it and it doesn't work out or someone else already did something kind of the same, sort of; and then we people will find out that we are not truly great/cool/unique. Yes, I propose a toast for throwing caution to the wind, to creating a blog post without having the image I conjured up in my mind to go with it. And yes, being sometimes mediocre in order to find out what it is we want out of blogging, school, Life. Cheers.


Lisa Kay said...

You could never be mediocre my dear! I would love for you to share with me what you know and do and experience! You are very insightful. Miss your guts!!

Renae said...

I love it! I am excited you have a blog now!